A Little Loss
Don’t even know where to start. Had been excited when I get the chance to have my own little exhibition in a cafe, but yet, the more I made, I felt like the things I created are getting more and more unpredictable. Everything seems like un-sync and not in the same theme. I just draw and draw and draw, and when I tried to put all of them together, I felt it just doesn’t click. I always thought that if I kept on drawing, I can put things together and goes with the flow. But, now I doesn’t felt so. When all these feeling jumbled up all at once, I like to unwind by playing games or binged in front of the TV. Good timing for the game to arrive, I guessed. Been hogging with my husband new PS5. I played HORIZON. One of my favourite. Can’t play the whole 8-9 hours like I used to, have chores to do and my son to take care of. When a game I’ve played wasn’t being indulged and the amount of time I spend wasn’t properly put in effort, I will feel unfulfilled. So the game wasn’t as much fun as I used to. But still, the little mission along the way, I tried to finish it within the time allow me to. Reached level 20 now, took me a few weeks but the mission and the map I discovered was still a long way to go.
TV show I’ve been binged about were some silly reality show. I don’t usually indulged in these reality show because I felt like it is so fake and scripted to make it so dramatised for the audience to watch. You won’t believe when I tell you that I watched BLING EMPIRE and INDIAN MATCHMAKING on Netflix. You can imagine, how bored and loss I am now. Talking about Bling Empire, it is a TV show about a bunch of rich Asian in LA and about their lives and their relationship. Blah, blah, blah. It is so stupid and ridiculous. First of all, they don’t seem like super rich. Just a few of them does. They are like little children, cursing each other, pretending to be the good little angel, back stabbing and worst of all gossiping around! Gosh, like those Taiwanese drama that last for like 300 episodes that never end. Here are the cast; Kane, Kevin, Christine, Anna, Kim, Jaime, Kelly and Cherie. Well, the first 3 character I wrote were the main I guessed, cause they are the one with all the drama.
Let’s start with Kane. OMG, his mouth is like a chicken in a coop that goes clucking around with other chicken non stop. He didn’t realised it but I hope when he rewatch all the episodes, he can see his behaviour is like a little brat! Always run away when there is a confrontation about any issue when he was involved and adding and spreading gossip every where. When someone try to get involved in anyone business, where you think is good for them, you are interfering someone choices and manipulating them. You are not the person who experience and walk on behalf of other people’s life and for you to say what is good or bad, is manipulating. I used to have a friend like that in high school. And for me to say this, it is the worst person who can say they are friend to anyone at all. Because, in between the line, in the end there is always a betrayal! How should I put this. When you interfering someone’s decision, you tend to make the choices for them and not putting it in an opinion where the person themselves able to choose. Because when someone comes to you for advice, they are in a vulnerable situation. Listen, instead of just straight away and say what you think it should be, gives out the good and bad, or just simply ask what they think. All the sentences when he gave out in an opinion, is “I” in most of it. “I think……, I won’t say it but….. I, I, I”. Well, I won’t say that I am a saint here, I did once interfered someone’s decision and made it for them, in the end, I regretted it. Even till today, I don’t think I can justified what I did makes any good to the person who gets involved at all. But I learned, and now I just let it be and let them choose themselves. If he or she wants to go on with their decision and comes for my advice, I will usually just give them the answer for what they already chose. Because they already know what they want, they just hope that when you listened, you have the same decision as them. Let me clarify, is not what I believe is correct, but I don’t manipulate their decision. I just say what I think and I will continue to support them even it is the wrong choice for me. I won’t add any spices in between their decision, and put everything in neutral. Am I a good friend, I don’t think so, because I don’t like to get involve in anyway anymore. That is why now my conversation is very shallow and surface and nothing deep between anyone I just met, to any friend that I knew. Except my best friend, we don’t give a fuck of what we said, and I just shot what I think, because I knew my best friend is the strongest woman I every met and my decision of what I blunt out will ever change her in anyway.
Next, is Kevin. He looks like the most down to earth character among them. He is best friend with Kane, and I like him the most in all the characters. He is neutral and sometime he do has his own opinion, but you can see when he conversed to his friends, he is always in the neutral way and let his friends has the time to breath in between their decision. But, when it comes to season 2, I don’t like his insensitivity and flirting. Don’t get me wrong, he is good looking and the boasting of how he knew it, is kind of a turn off. He flirts with almost all the girls and to hit on among friends, is a big no-no. Like first he tried on Kelly, next Kim. Wow, seriously. Are you that desperate? Perhaps in between the episodes, the timeline may be like after a few months, but by watching it from episode to the next, seems like not a good way to show it. Despite that, I like him when he confront and not run away with all the issue he faced. When he wants to talk to Kane about their friendship, he is upfront and straight forward. I like that about him. Not like Kane, like a little girl just run away from the confrontation and say something like, oh no, there is no point of talking about it, and blah blah blah. I am a female, and I used to do so, and I still am, but I’ve improved, especially with my husband. Because sometimes, I think it is no point of talking about it and just let it be. My husband is like Kevin, confront me and say what he thinks. But somehow I felt like my husband mellow it down with his confrontation because, I guessed we are married now and no point to binge it for little matters anymore unless it threaten our relationship. Anyway, I am happy to see a happy ending where Kevin found his love and with his venture in business.
Christine, wow. Emm, she is a very interesting character. Not sure how much she had to put on a mask for her character, but somehow I do felt some sincerity in her. She does want to be the good one in front of everyone. I understood this character a lot, because I used to be like that. Some might see you as fake because they believe no one is that good all the time to everyone. Frankly speaking, these kind of people exist. Not because they are fake but because they believe in everyone to be like this too. Everyone has a good heart and selfless when we all are in deep shit and need help. This is humanity nature. Then you will fall into the trap and expose yourself to the person who you think felt the same as you, think of only good in a person and no bad intention. Vulnerability and exposure to the wrong person, will make you realised that in the end, you still have to put on a mask and only to show your true side to yourself. And one thing I have to say, she should stop trying to amend her relationship with Anna. Because the more she tries, it seems very obvious, that she is faking it. Stop trying and for season 2, in the end, I think she finally gets it. Some relationships are not mend to be. Just let it go. I know Anna may be an important person not to offence, but you already know she is the kind of person who doesn’t give a fuck. So, when you decide to stop trying, I was like, OMG, finally she gets it. You don’t need to be friends with anyone, just focus on the one who are!
Anna, I like and don’t like her on the same time. Not to give a fuck too much, seems like super rude. Like being super late! I don’t understand someone still be friend with someone who is like 2 hours late for a meeting. It is not about doesn’t give a fuck, but only to show a bad manner. For Asian, this is call 没家教. Like your parent didn’t teach you some manner. Some part of her who said doesn’t give a fuck, also a part of pretentious. She did interfere Kelly’s relationship. In someway, during when Kelly was with Andrew and when Kelly was not with Andrew. Stay away, you are not as close as Kelly with Kane. For you to interfere in such a way, who do you think you are! Despite all these character, she does seems like a fun person. No wonder, most of them like to befriend her. But only for superficial way or just for benefit. Not true friend. I understood her point when it comes to friendship, she should not give a fuck to see who should be the truest one. Because when you are rich for your whole life, you bound to get hurt or betrayed in between your life time. And I guessed most of the hurtful stuff might be because you are rich and people tend to take advantage on that. Let go of your guard a little, and you might see, most of them aren’t so bad. For Anna to befriend Jaime, are a good combo. They both are fun and both of them comes from a very rich family background. These two are a perfect match I guessed. When Kim tried it so, I felt like she is super fake. Trying too hard and pretentious. Kim is another character who put on a mask all the time. Her laugh is already a way to tell the audience, she avoid confrontation, avoid showing the real her and has trust issue. I can see she is very broken inside and don’t know how to break free from it. Well, I guess in her work of field, sexist happened all the time. I have not much comment on these because I do not experience it in anyway, but when you are beautiful and in a night life, I guess a lot of guys there are just looking for a fuck. No wonder she had a trust issue for my point of view. She needs to trust a little, even after hurtful event happen, because this is a way of life. Everything is unpredictable and for you to shell in, you will never find out the good side.
Well, finally I wrote down most of what I want to talk about. I felt so good. Perhaps a reality show is not so bad in a way to unwind yourself because it helps you to stop focus on the loss and find back your true purpose. Realising how much you waste your time, by writing it all and experienced it, you finally set yourself free from one obsession to the other! Your own life! Yeah. Back to reality! Hope you enjoy reading this piece of blog and get back to your life now!